Culinary Sorcerer Gifts

"It never looks as good as the picture in the recipe book."

I mean, do I set the oven at 400'? 450'? How long do I keep them in? Do I turn them halfway through cooking? Oh, if only children came with instructions.

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that,'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

Witch and cauldron, "Eye of newt, Leg of toad,boil in bag"

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

'Needs salt!'

The Witches Discover The Wok

Kiddies Menu for Witches

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

Witch's Brew.

"Did you remove the bay leaf?"

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

"First you make a roux."

"You think you're so damn Cordon Bleu!"

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"It's the Chef Surprise."

Last Will and Testament: Salt, Pepper, Tarragon, Garlic.

"It's a little bland, because I microwaved it."

"Cheer up! There's a magic ingredient that makes it easy to eat vegetables...CHEESE SAUCE!"

'The food inspector, Sir!'

'How will my turkey turn out his year?'

Master Mum

Clandestine Cuisine

Witch making a brew with Gluten, Nuts, Trans Fats, BGH, GMOs...

"They're magic beans, mum. They don't give you gas."

'This is Muriel's kitchen, where the magic happens -- you know, Voodoo and stuff like that.'

"I'm sorry it's not what you ordered, but the chef works in mysterious ways."

Wow. That was a lot faster. (Published originally on October 20, 2011.)

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

"After you read the menu, eat it."

"Oh, knock it off! It's only cream of asparagus."