Kinky Kris Kringle Gifts

S&M woman has hung up stockings and put milk and cookies on the floor for Santa in a dogbowl

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"They'd run out of nurses' uniforms..."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

Babies

It would be hours before Jack realized that his wife was not being kinky but had, in fact, gone shopping.

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

Why men love to love women who love to lambaste their loving lovers,

Who's ready for pumpkin spice season?

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

'Anything else need tying up?'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"What? The invitation said, wear your favorite mask."

'Jeez, honey! I thought we agreed not to bring our work home with us.'

sub woofer

"Please listen carefully, as my menu options have changed."

'Expecting someone, are we?'

'And do you, Donna, promise to love, honor, cherish... and from time to time, upon request, whip the living shit out of this man?'

Sado-masochists reading in bed.

"I'm guessing that your version of, 'tying the knot' and mine, are slightly different."

"...good night lube, good night lair, good night noises everywhere."

Man locked in latex costume

"Alexa, tell me I'm a bad girl."

"Seen my Brad Pitt mask?"

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, you have GOT to be kidding!!! Who on earth would seriously write to Sadie? What kind of masochistic, submissive freak would submit themselves to the derision and abuse of, uh … Sadie … uh, er … a malevolent … and, uh … controlling … Oh, my Dominatrix! Deal with me as you know you must! - Chevre. Ha. Ha ha. Very cute. Seems like a joke, right? What? I recognize the mood, the internal struggle, even the exact language. This isn't poking fun and it's not from Chevre. Tucker,

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

Apparently she's building a 'red room of pain'....

"Permission to treat the witness like gum stuck to the bottom of my heels?"

Kink

Leather Daddy Long Legs

"And did that make you feel like a little bitch?"

"The Safety Word is 'Owwwwwwwwwww!'"

KINKY

"I've forgotten my safe word."