Kinky Kris Kringle Pillows

S&M woman has hung up stockings and put milk and cookies on the floor for Santa in a dogbowl

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

"They'd run out of nurses' uniforms..."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

Babies

'I've changed my mind Donald. I don't want to put a little spice back into our marriage anymore.'

It would be hours before Jack realized that his wife was not being kinky but had, in fact, gone shopping.

S&M Lovers, "Not tonight dear... I haven't got a headache."

'Anything else need tying up?'

sub woofer

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

"What? The invitation said, wear your favorite mask."

'Jeez, honey! I thought we agreed not to bring our work home with us.'

"Please listen carefully, as my menu options have changed."

'Expecting someone, are we?'

Sado-masochists reading in bed.

'And do you, Donna, promise to love, honor, cherish... and from time to time, upon request, whip the living shit out of this man?'

"I'm guessing that your version of, 'tying the knot' and mine, are slightly different."

Apparently she's building a 'red room of pain'....

Man locked in latex costume

"I enjoy role-playing, but do we really need the dramaturge?"

"...good night lube, good night lair, good night noises everywhere."

"Permission to treat the witness like gum stuck to the bottom of my heels?"

"Alexa, tell me I'm a bad girl."

Kink

"Seen my Brad Pitt mask?"

Leather Daddy Long Legs

"And did that make you feel like a little bitch?"

"The Safety Word is 'Owwwwwwwwwww!'"

"I've forgotten my safe word."

"Will he know what this is in reference to?"