Kink Humorist Gifts

Let me clarify … I'm sick as a dog, but I'm not as sick as my dog.

sub woofer

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Optimist

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"How about a hand."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'The Lemming Book Store'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I cross the road to forget."

Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'You can't come in here with that.'