Kink Aficionado Gifts

"...good night lube, good night lair, good night noises everywhere."

When you said you missed your vinyl, I assumed you meant your records.

"I'd like a quick word with you after visiting time."

'Thank-you God.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"My girlfriend really went all out on this one."

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Knit One, Pearl One, Drop One.

"Most of the time it's 'Me Tarzan, you Jane', until we get into the bedroom. Then he's all, 'You Tarzan, Me Jane'."

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

Ladies reading a crochet pattern for amusement

'Happy now?'

'I ink, therefore I am....'

'Don't get me wrong. I like the hugs, but I could really use a kiss once in a while.'

'Help!'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

'I gave her that ball of yarn...'

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

The Coffee Tattoo

Knowing that Roger loathed the new cat, Janelle tried to win him over by knitting him a pair of boxers made out of fur balls.

'Never mind what I see. The better question is, why are you obsessed with my bodily functions?'

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

"I've never done a Wi-Fi password before!"

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

'Psst...check out the freak.'

Quill

"No, it's not for Bundles for Britain. Guess again."

Why men love to love women who love to lambaste their loving lovers,

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

"Our standards are so high we only hire people who do crossword puzzles in ink."

"So, did the doctor give you something for your runny nose?"

'Jeez, honey! I thought we agreed not to bring our work home with us.'

sub woofer

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

'I'd like to report a sporran-snatcher.'