King Of The North Gifts

Polar Sovereignty?

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

The Unhappy King

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

An angry barbecue.

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"Tarzan no want computer."

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'Nobody treats the king that way and gets away with it.'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."