King Of Christmas Gifts

'No..I told you to dress like elves!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

The Unhappy King

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

King of Music.

The Royal Wii

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

King completes rubik's cube.

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'Nobody treats the king that way and gets away with it.'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'I prefer to do absolutely nothing on holiday....otherwise the shock's too much when I get back.'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'