King Of Hearts Gifts

The Bachelord

'Is the pilot an Ace?'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

The Royal Wii

Your heart is doing well with the pig valve we put in. Now, what was your question?

Bouncy Castle. Hey, you kids, get out of my house!

King of Music.

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'Nobody treats the king that way and gets away with it.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

King completes rubik's cube.

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

Coastguard

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"Why, this is fit for me!"