King Of Christmas Pillows

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"I'm down to only one nap a day. From 8 am t0 8 pm."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

The Royal Wii

King of Music.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'I prefer to do absolutely nothing on holiday....otherwise the shock's too much when I get back.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

King completes rubik's cube.

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

"Why, this is fit for me!"