King Of Gains Gifts

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"Fred, I think you're spending altogether too much time down here with these mushrooms!"

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

The Unhappy King

Whistler's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

The Royal Wii

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

"One of you go see who's at the door."

"Friend or foe?"

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

'It's just until the election is over, but I'm replacing you with Dick Morris.'

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"