King Of The Mountain Gifts

Conkerers of Everest

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"And I'll have that lightly sedated, please."

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

The Unhappy King

"If it's my pride, I'm not here"

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'Hey, Bob, can you get this itch on my chin? It's driving me nuts.'

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

The Royal Wii

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

King of Music.

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

An angry barbecue.

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

King completes rubik's cube.

"Tarzan no want computer."

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"If I had it all to do over again, I would have liked to be the King of Swing."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'