King Of Loafers Gifts

Book on Thumb Twiddling

'You don't have to explain the software to me. I wrote it while I was in the womb.'

"This stool shall pass."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, Kevin. You need to know them so you can Blog.'

"Eventually the instrument becomes an extension of your body."

The Work-from-Home-Polka

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

"How are we on bread?"

I bake my own bread.

Lazy man contemplates the moment of creation.

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

Father changing nappy, "Heir freshener"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

They called her the Olympic Flame because she never went out.

"Maybe this will make you less of a jerk!"

"Well, sometimes I'll just hang around and do nothing. Oh wait, that's all the time."

"You're closer. You get it."

"I'm starting to realize for you your loafers aren't just a fashion statement but a lifestyle."

'It's the TV remote - he has a death grip on it.'

'... So one day I thought, hey, why walk all the way out to the mound just to take a pitcher out of the game?'

"Harry wasn't born great and he hasn't achieved greatness, but he figures there is always the chance that greatness may be thrust upon him?"

Johannes Brahms.

Sergei Rachmaninov

Baking Bread

'I've tried giving him lots of E numbers - but still nothing...!'

They tell us we have to save energy. Well he hasn't expended any in fifteen years.

"Hello Loft Living? Could you send a rescue party to suburbia?"

Oh no! Here comes another lecture on the joys of loft living!

Woman tells slob husband: 'Yes, you've got the Gold for watching the most Olympics coverage, now please get a shower.'

'Here it is, Mom. . . 'Never make any sudden moves around an adult male protecting his remote. Let him know you have no intention of taking it from him and he will gradually come to his senses.''

'It used to be much smaller until I answered a email about how I could enlarge my instrument and improve my performance.'

'I don't know how you kids can sit around all day watching this garbage on television.'

Lobster playing keyboard

'I'm John Glynn. My dad is your dad's boss. Give me that swing.'

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