Kind-hearted Diner Gifts

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Grandma's caf

Waitress to church leader: 'It's your daily bread, Pastor. Remember? You ordered the prayer breakfast.'

Diner

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'How would you like your toast?'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"A votre sante!"

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

'Would you folks care for some fresh maple syrup on your pancakes?'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

A train's dining car is a diner.

Eye of Newt (evidently the favored hamburger condiment for witches)

"Take your time. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Just a drop."

'...And an extra packet of crackers! It's our Anniversary!'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

Mum's Diner - you finish those veggies!

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

'A fly in your soup, eh? -- Call me if it gets any worse.'

'Meat loaf again!'

"Our cook is working through a lot of stuff."

Chair massages.