Kid Enthusiast Gifts

'Here comes the Papa-razzi again...'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Director/Action Man toy.

Build your very own conflict of interest!

Haircuts

A midwife holding a baby

'The child is very illogical'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"Werewolves of London..."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Where the hell's my Slinky?"

"It's his emotional support animal."

'I've never opened her up on the highway, but I get great mileage in the city!'

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

I love my family!

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

It's a Boy

"Of course I'm bored - my batteries are flat!"

One!

Mother's Love

"Graduation day at kite flying school."