Justice Jesters Gifts

"Your Honor, the state has every reason to consider the defendant an extremely high flight risk."

'The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? That doesn't allow for much flexibility.'

'Mr. Justice, must you keep repeating 'nobody can fire me, nobody can dire me, nobody can dire me'?'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Uh oh! I don't like the looks of that jury.'

'Guilty or not guilty?' - 'I'll start off with not guilty, and see how it goes.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Excuse me, juror #7. Do you mind if we continue?'

'Your honor, the jury has dismissed themselves with their assurance that whatever I decide is fine with them.'

'The justice will be swift - the attorney fees, swifter.'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

'We've simplified the jury selection process.'

"You call that justice? There's 20% cats in this town and I have to appear before an all dog jury."

"He was a plagiarist. So what if I plagiarized him."

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

'This is your life sentence'

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

"Your fine will be a £99.50, after a 50p mail-in rebate."

'That's old Smitty -- he got life plus 99 years.'

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

Where legal teams but their outfits.

''Thirty days or thirty dollars'? -- I think I'd rather shop around a little first.'

"That all depends on what you mean by guilty."

"I needed an infusion of cash, Your Honor."

'It wasn't a good idea to wear your work clothes to court...'

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

'So I robbed the stupid bank-- I was only following my dreams!'

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

'In lieu of a hearing my client would like a trial by the media.'

"I aint a 'defendant, I'm the guy wot one it.'

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

'I rob banks because it helps my self-esteem.'

'Our company practises anti-discrimination. Are you female? Are you a member of any kind of minority?. . .'