Jury Dodger Gifts

"There were probably easier ways to get out of jury duty."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

"#notguilty."

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

How lazy people decide what to eat

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'Slow down. . . okay. . . 'Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?''

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

This is my story and I'm stickin with it!

'The jury have instructed me to say that they expected a rather more spicy case.'

"We find the defendant guilty because he doth protest too much."

'We find the defendant guilty. Do you have a problem with that?'

'I'd better start on your appeal.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'So why are so worried? I'm leaving my fate in the hands of 12 people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'