Junkyard Philosopher Gifts

"It's found crap."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"They’re real."

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Alas poor Daisy, I knew her well!

'Take my advice kid. Enjoy yourself now, because once you get married, your free ranging days are over.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

'Like the 'Cobra' and the 'Viper', my car is named for a snake too - the 'Rattler'.'

"I'm tardy? Whew! I was afraid I was going to be late for school!"

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

Bad news I'm afraid. Our universe is shrinking!

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

' ... or you could park it near the Dynamite Shack at Klutz Construction.'

Junk Science. (Scientist sits in lawn chair just outside of junk yard.)

'A little madness in the Spring is wholesome even for the King' -Emily Dickinson.

"Of course, when we landscape the place, we'll get rid of that old washing machine and replace it with one that's indigenous to these parts."

"I swear, we spend more time decided which squirrel to bark at than we do actually barking at it."

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

'These lousy free-range chickens think that they just own the whole world!'

"My job is not as easy as it looks: You have to learn about astronomy and celestial mechanics to be able to accurately predict sunrise and sunset..."

"And that, son, is where chickens come from."

"I was going to go to the other slop trough, but the music's always too loud."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

'There are five of ua, a high wall with razor wire: It must be something really valuable or secret we're guarding...'

"Can you milk a cow?"

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of working with goats are the hardest.'

Fred raises the "Late Bloomer" bar to a new level.

"Oh, I see - so it's wrong to cut down the Amazon Rainforest, but okay for me to weed, prune and mow our own garden?"

'Let's see... two clucks, three baas, one quack, two oinks, and eight neighs- once again, the neighs have it.'

'What's not to like? They're cheap, tasty, and don't destroy the rainforest.'

"Listen kid, you may have been a big man on playground."

Al's Junk: Now selling Russian Govt. Bonds!

The Weekly Poultry Reading was Short-Lived.

'Why don't you try to think outside of the trough once in a while?'