Junior Comedian Pillows

'Grownups are stupid! How can you be good and have fun?'

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

Human Behavior Institute. Out Experiencing Lunch.

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.

'Rock.' - 'Paper.' - 'Boris.'

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'He said I have no cavities and that my breath knocked his socks off.'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

Toothless Meal

3 cents glass - Exact change please, seller can't count.

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

'It was a great birthday party till Jeffrey tried to fart his candles out.'

'All I wanted to know is if that word was naughty.'

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Child steps off chair and says, 'Tough crowd.'(Cat looks impassive)

Small boy teasing a priest by removing jesus from the cross and leaving a 'Back in five minutes' sign

The Amazing Mr Sausage

A Grade Two student explains why he is so eager to get back to school.

"I don't get it either, but my mom keeps telling me to hang up the phone, so I do it to make her happy."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"I'm hoping for a pardon from the Governor."

"He tried to attack me with this, but I managed to grab it from him and knock him out before he did me in."

Biographies. Don Rickles for Dummies

'Can Bradley come out and litigate?'

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

'My imaginary playmate squealed on me!'