Juice Appreciation Gifts

Grapes Drinking Blood

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

Menu Dating

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

"I might just get a pie."

Back in 5 minutes!

WHACK!

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

Am Awful Crammer.

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

Shaved Ice

Old Spice

"I'm learning to appreciate the simple things in life."

"Our sommelier - years of experience in French urinals."

'Bacon-butties are my favourite!'

Slow food restaurant

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"I want to see it as art, but I keep asking myself 'is it really grocery?'"

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

Easy chair exercise machines

"...an excellent fighting lager with just a hint of park bench."

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

'I could have had a V-8!'

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

"The early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets delicious table scraps."

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'I'm sorry the cod was not as good as when you came a month ago. It should have been - it was the same fish...'