Juice Enthusiasts Gifts

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

Jelly I.V.

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

'I could have had a V-8!'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

"I'm more concerned about the two bowlfuls of jelly you apparently sit on the rest of the year."

'I could have had a V-8!'

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

"Don't feel bad. The rest of us can't hold our liquor either."

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Lemonade Survey

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

"Didn't anyone tell you this is the private juice bar of the Health's Angels?"

"Feel free to hydrate during my presentation."

"Brandy, coffee, decaf, herb tea, or cran-apple?"

"No thanks, I'm on a juicebook cleanse this week."

How can I ensure I'm getting 100 orange juice? Buy an orange!

Cafe Jelly, Set Lunch

Before you learn to make the perfect ale, my son, you must first learn to make the perfect little bowl of nuts and pretzels.

"I don't know about a playdate, why don't we just meet up for some juice boxes and see how it goes?"

The Corkscrew Thrower

They said he couldn't have a two-liter soda, and he just went crazy!