Judgement Day Jokester Pillows

"Have't seen this before...I'll need to ask the boss."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Arrogant junior barrister

Justice

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

"I think Baxter needs a break."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"