Judgement Day Jokester Pillows

"Have't seen this before...I'll need to ask the boss."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Arrogant junior barrister

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

Justice

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"I think Baxter needs a break."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'