Judgment Day Jesters Pillows

"Due to a mixup in the paperwork you've been sent to doggie heaven."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

"I got probation."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Sub Post Office/Sub-Justice

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

Justice

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'