Joking Returner Gifts

'We changed our return policy about 20 years ago.'

Farmer and FIsherman

The commentators want to run the officials...

"I'm afraid we have very little in the salary range you're accustomed to."

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

'Answer me one question, would you?' 'O.K.' 'Do you still love me?' 'That's two!'

'You two, sort it out!'

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

'I would go to the end of the world for you.' - 'Yes, but would you stay there?'

"I've got an idea for my comeback."

Not Such A Fool As He Looks.

'This year's stock market compared to last year's? Well, that is a bit before my time.'

Back on the mound after succesful Elton John surgery.

'At the Old Players' Home. . .

'My homework? Why, at home.'

The Crime, to the Best of Tiger's Recollection

Cartoonist's tax return

"If you're a self made man...why did you made yourself so short?"

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

Target practice board in the shape of a football referee.

'You know the rules Fanshawe ----both bloody feet on the floor'

'If I was a golf ball, I wouldn't do what you wanted me to do if you called me that either.'

'Where have you been all my life?'

"I'm making a candlewick spread, so how do I get the wicks out?"

"I also need to get back on your insurance."

'When you said you were big in the trouser department,I thought...'

'I'm sure it is precious to you Mr Figgins, but I'm afraid I can't accept it as collateral.'

'There's a load of rubbish on the T.V. again.'

"According to this aptitude test, the position you seem most suited for is retirement."

"They're specially designed to fly farther when thrown."

'I understand you like one night stands. Feel free to stand out there in the hall all night.'