Joking Entrepreneur Gifts

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Spot the difference.

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Any questions?"

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Satya Nutella

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"It lost a little something in translation."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

'And finally. . . where do you see yourself on the food chain 5 years from now?'

'Stay with me now, people, because in Step C, things get a bit delicate.'