Joker Of The Party Pillows

"All you need is a bicycle pump, an ordinary deck of playing cards, and a pair of deerskin slippers, and you're ready to begin."

Beach con-man.

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"Hate to see you leave, Dave...especially since it was just last week that I learned you worked for me."

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

King Pin

Lightest beer on the market. Carbonated with helium.

"Maybe this year..."

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Holy smoke. What kind of frosting is that?"

Elf of the Month

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

Stag night high jinks.

Paratrooper landed in tree just as boy swinging at pinata.

A Piñata has gone rogue during the celebrations at a Birthday party knocking out most of the Family members

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

Comedy course highlights fake nose

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

"But he's way more fun than the rubber ducky."

'Now, for the lighter side of the news'

"I'm sorry, but I assumed it was a fancy dress costume..."

'Hello, my name is Death'

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

C is for Cracker