Job Stability Gifts

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Danger Slow Sand.

'I find my job interesting because even after 27 years, I still don't know exactly what I'm doing here!'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

Not much money, glory, or praise

Don't worry, the first thirty years working here are the hardest.

"I've divided my workday into nine manageable segment that are each followed by a brief period of pessimism and regret."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"A wage increase to match inflation."

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

Corporate Darwinism

'I know that you think you should be the President of this company, Your Majesty. But, you'll just have to work your way up, like I did!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'Recession is when the Jones have a tough time keeping up with themselves.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'I can't give you a raise... but I can rent you a cubicle.'