Job Stagnation Gifts

You are here.

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

Danger Slow Sand.

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"With the rises in fuel, food and mortgage I'm going to have to put in some overtime."

'Your prowess as a mouser got you this job. You're needed in the break area right away.'

'Make your wishes, but I can't promise anything regarding jobs.'

Still Here

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

"We liken our business to a nursery Smithers. Unfortunately, we see you as more of a ground cover than a climber."

'Your r

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

"In five years, I see myself with the same job title, about the same salary, and significantly more responsibilities."

'Him? Oh, he's my job interview coach.'

"Right, all those in favour of a car boot sale."

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

City Dump: Resumes.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

'Times have changed. Now you need a degree just to end up living in your parents' basement.'

"Your resume is excellent, except for your name, which is stupid."

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

Tedium

"My last job was as a mine interpreter...I would go to a park and describe what the mime was trying to convey."

Employment Office. You're still only finding temporary jobs? Yeah, my income stream is not continuously flowing and it never reaches flood stage.

Careers guidance

'I looked forward to retirement. Now, thanks to the economy, I'm looking at re-hirement.'

"Thanks, it's hard to believe I've been with the company for a hundred and twenty quarters."

Business people wait to enter an 'On The Way Up' elevator while a sad man leaves an 'On The Way Out' elevator.

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"