Job Stability Seeker Gifts

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Ace headhunters.

"You're hired!"

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'I'm not here looking for a job. I'm the temp who's replacing you when the boss fires you today.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

The first case of resume padding.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

The Hive, Inc. You mean I'll always be a worker, with no chance of advancement?

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Job complaints on road signs.

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"