Job Seeking Professor Gifts

"I'm looking for a secure position in a less competitive academic environment."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"Welcome to the future"

Ethics exam cheater.

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Big Bang Theory.

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'Hmph. College kids.'

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

Fear/Knowledge

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

Thinking Gears

Eternal Student.