Job Centre Employee Gifts

Job Centre: 'Closed Due to Staff Shortage.'

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

'You've been coming here so long that you'll probably be invited to the staff Christmas party!'

'Loosing your job managing the community centre was obviously a blow...but luckily we have come up with a volunteering opportunity for you...'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Jones is our go-to-thankless-job-guy!"

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

Stress

The Surly Yoof

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

Call centre musicians

'I'm getting tired of these huge phone bills.'

'Congrats, you're promoted to the company's anti-stress specialist. If someone feels worked up and irritated. He can come and hit you.'

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

'Honey, it's me! If you want to marry me, please press 1!'

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"

"I got whiplash when I recoiled from your quote."

NHS Very Direct: 'You have a terminal illness and are going to die. Thanks for your call.'

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

"The time is now 7:42 - and if you can hang on for half a sec, I'll witch you over to Phil with the weather."