Job Centre Employee Pillows

Job Centre: 'Closed Due to Staff Shortage.'

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

'You've been coming here so long that you'll probably be invited to the staff Christmas party!'

'Loosing your job managing the community centre was obviously a blow...but luckily we have come up with a volunteering opportunity for you...'

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

National Living Wage from April 1st.

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

"Jones is our go-to-thankless-job-guy!"

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"You can't say that to a customer!"

Stress

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

The Surly Yoof

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

'A fight has broken out between Dr. Who fans and Star Trek fans. No hurry, the likelihood of anyone getting hurt is very small.'

Call centre musicians

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

'Congrats, you're promoted to the company's anti-stress specialist. If someone feels worked up and irritated. He can come and hit you.'

'Honey, it's me! If you want to marry me, please press 1!'

'I'm getting tired of these huge phone bills.'

"Effective and CLEAR communication with customers is ESSENTIAL so we're going to practise drilling down to identify core interpersonal information transfer methodologies to accelerate a meaningful dialogue."

"Sorry, I spaced out. What were you saying about your life threatening emergency?"