Job Center Staff Pillows

'Congratulations-after 25 years we've found you a job in a gold watch factory!'

"We’re a lending aquarium."

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

"Nice talking to you too, even if you are a recorded message."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

National Living Wage from April 1st.

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"Sorry for the wait, our computers are down. We have to do everything manually."

"911, what is your major malfunction?"

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Please stay on the line – your caul is important to us."

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

"Fifty quid for a high visibility jacket? Why, that's day-glo robbery."

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

Stress

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"Your call is important to us, but not as important as this delicious cream donut with chocolate sprinkles that I'm about to eat..."

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

'No, I don't want to change my long distance phone company, and,,, Yes, I should have known it was you calling'

'I'm getting tired of these huge phone bills.'

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

'A fight has broken out between Dr. Who fans and Star Trek fans. No hurry, the likelihood of anyone getting hurt is very small.'

'He just had a near-work experience.'

'Honey, it's me! If you want to marry me, please press 1!'

'Loosing your job managing the community centre was obviously a blow...but luckily we have come up with a volunteering opportunity for you...'

'Yeah, we do cloud storage.'

Call centre musicians