Job Centre Staff Gifts

Magic brooms empty buckets of resumes into an overflowing Job Centre

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

Targets.

Smoking Area. Oh, I don't smoke. I'm just addicted to ten-minute breaks.

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

National Living Wage from April 1st.

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

Whack, Out of Whack.

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

Friday 5.30pm.

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

If found, please return to cubicle L-325.

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

"Fifty quid for a high visibility jacket? Why, that's day-glo robbery."

"This report is replete with errors, distortions and downright lies, yet I find its moral message quite uplifting."

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'Any chance of getting your alarm clock fixed?