Job Centre Staff Gifts

Magic brooms empty buckets of resumes into an overflowing Job Centre

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

Targets.

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'All right, gentlemen, this is the current picture of our growth industry!'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

Whack, Out of Whack.

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

National Living Wage from April 1st.

'Only another thirty-four years, five months and fourteen days until I retire.'

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

"Thank you for holding. . .Your call is important to us. . .Yeah right."

Friday 5.30pm.

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

'We can't find a pond small enough where you'd be a big fish.'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

Not all service desk staff were pleased about the new bring your own device policy

If found, please return to cubicle L-325.

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

"Fifty quid for a high visibility jacket? Why, that's day-glo robbery."

"Wow! Good news - the line is getting shorter!"

"This report is replete with errors, distortions and downright lies, yet I find its moral message quite uplifting."

"You can't say that to a customer!"

'Any chance of getting your alarm clock fixed?

'Remember, only the consumer is still consumer concious.'