Job Analysis Gifts

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'The recession is over, again.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

Working 9 to 5.

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

Sales.

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

Getting through the week.

End of Year Figs.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

"And, of course, this is when all our loose change fell out of our pockets."

Business Outlook

It's to stop you getting side-tracked.

Corporate Darwinism

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"I'm not worried about you, Henley. You'll land on your feet."

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

Doctor to man: 'You're a workaholic - you tested positive for elbow grease.'

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

The job is yours - I called your references and they all said you're a good boy.