Job Seeker Analyst Gifts

'Believe me, mister... I'm an old hand in capital procurement!'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

How are you at decision making?

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

In and Out Sourced.

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

Between Offices

"I don't like your application."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."