Career Analyst Gifts

Homeless trainee.

'The good news is that our latest campaign has MASSIVELY improved understanding of the job status and prospects.'

"I hate performance review season."

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Ah, it's so precious to witness a child learn how government actually works...'

"No way. Lando, my friend. Lando." "There's no way Lando Calrissian was a better betrayer than Alex Krycek." "Ask any passerby on the street. 9 out of 10 of them won't even know who Alex Krycek is." "That's utter foolishness. Everyone knows Alex Krycek. He was basically the X-Files' anti-Mulder. He could out-weasel Billy D. Williams any day." "Stop!" "When men start arguing over which fictional character was a better betrayer, they have officially run out of things to talk about." "That Kr

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

Get a Job

"I'm good at ticking boxes."

'We're quite confident this lull won't last long.'

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

Overdraft limit.

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

The Likeable Torturer

'What I'm challenging this group to do, then, is to redirect our shared passion for the idea of making money into actually making money!'

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

'Now,they're going to teach you to talk, but remember, after you learn how.stay away from religion or politics.'

"As an expert in loyalty, Fido will create an emotional bond with each customer."

Medellin erases the image of Escobar

'Kids, if I'd gotten into computers, instead of baseball, I'd have a job now!'

"It's one of the positive side effects of the new weight-loss drugs."

'Something that'll get me googled,'

'So far we don't have any suspects.'

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

'I thought I'd put in the details later.'

"Have you given any thought at all about where you might like to accrue your student loan debt?"

"He claims he does the work of two employees."

"It's the boss's son, what can I do about it?"

'The company is losing millions and the press are asking questions. Gentlemen,we're looking for a scapegoat.'

'It's true that a college degree might render you overqualified for your present position, but it's a chance I'd take.'

'Not in here, stupid - I don't need to!'