Job Market Analyst Gifts

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"Even though you're exceptionally well qualified, Kate, I'd say that 'victim' is not a good career choice."

Graduating

College graduate selling vacuum cleaners door to door.

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'What's the point of being guaranteed an education if I'm not guaranteed a job.'

'We offer competitive pay, good benefits and an attractive severance package.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"Fellow M.B.A. graduates of the Class of '91—hey, what can I say?"

"It used to take a whole computer to replace a worker. Now it just takes an app."

'The downsizing will be carried on in our usual quick and efficient manner, Harrison.'

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

The Job Offer

'I'm nobody's fool!'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"We will create 12,000 new jobs...but we only need 4,000 new employees because on these salaries they'll need three jobs each to make a living!"

"Originally I was resting before I was between engagements ... I'm out of work now and next month I'll be counted as unemployed ."

"Actually we're looking for someone who is just happy to have a job!"

'Sorry. . . no jobs for lo-technicians.'

"There aren't many jobs for teenagers these days."

"Actually, we're looking for a 'corporate sniper' version of 'American Sniper'."

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"Like I said kid, oarsman, swordsman, big hammer guy, and Berserker. There's no market for florists."

'Have you any experience of jumping off ledges?'

"It's an impressive CV, but we were hoping to employ a human being,"

'Next, they'll be taking our jobs.'

'You've both been at this company for the same amount of time, but deciding who gets the promotion was relatively easy.'

'Don't give me too glowing a recommendation. I don't want to appear to be over qualified.'

"Thanks to our equal opportunities polies you've been short listed for the job."

Once we baby boomers kark it, all the good jobs got to you lot.

'Once we baby boomers kark it, all the good jobs will go to you lot.'

'Your last tech job offered generous options? So do we: Take it or leave it.'

'Jobs are nuthin' special. . . everybody used to have one!'

"I'm back from my class reunion. Everyone else was unemployed,"