Job Market Analysis Gifts

Career Opportunities of the Future

Managerial positions are appreciated.

"I think we might already have lost the next set of graduates, they don't see us offering a career path..."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

The Three Wise Queens

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

Between Offices

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'