Job Market Insider Gifts

'Call it intuition, but there's something I can't put my finger on that's telling me Geoff is looking to move.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"He's having a hard time finding work."

The Three Wise Queens

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Between Offices

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"After grad school, and before joining Wall Street, I decided to travel a bit."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'