Job Market Observers Gifts

"I can fit you into a small cubicle on the third floor if you think you can lose twenty pounds."

'Tell me more about the obscene bonus package.'

'These days I spend most of the time trying to find a job myself.'

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'Get a job? -- and give up freelancing?'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

A Q&A with President Obama over jobs

"He's having a hard time finding work."

The Three Wise Queens

"And where have you previously moused?"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

Between Offices

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

"I'm looking for something really dull and repetitive."

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'Are you picky about preferring something with a livable wage?'

'You wiseaces who said, this factory would move to China are wrong! It's moving to India!'

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You’d think being anthropomorphic would be enough but nowadays you need a Masters to even get your foot in the door."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'