Job Agent Gifts

"It's dot.gone."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Obama Healthcare.

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'I'd hire you, but the word is going around you guys are practically extinct!'

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'