Jewelry Making Gifts

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

'It's a hatred bracelet. I made it for you.'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

Fred had been spending too much time at the gem: "You need to get more exercise."

Birth of a rhinestone cowboy.

'Thanks for coming in . ..now I can finish that ankle bracelet I'm working on.'

"My husband made me earrings out of his old computer mice. Who said geeks aren't romantic?"

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Jewellery Shop: Disposable income spoken here.

Diamond outfits

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

A Zircon Is Forever

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

"It was her mothers"

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."