Jewelry Store Worker Gifts

'Could you PLEASE go and do that somewhere else?'

'If you want to see something real cheap, look in this mirror.'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Diamond outfits

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

A Zircon Is Forever

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Will you be mine?

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

Cow and Milk

It is my mother's, she uses it as an anchor for our yacht.

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

Posh Easter Egg

"It was her mothers"