Jewelry Store Worker Pillows

'Could you PLEASE go and do that somewhere else?'

'If you want to see something real cheap, look in this mirror.'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

'Go ahead and laugh, but I lose my keys less frequently than you do.'

Venn Diagram: DIamonds

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

Diamond outfits

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

"But until I do transmute lead into gold, maybe I could interest you in some lovely lead jewelry."

A Zircon Is Forever

"Good artists borrow, great artists steal."

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

Lots of shiny glass objects! Darling, you're spoiling me!

'We would like to buy three rings... Engagement, wedding and teething!'

'Or you can rent by the week...'

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"I'd like to have my teeth scrimshawed without being, you know, harpooned."

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

"It was her mothers"

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

Cow and Milk

Will you be mine?

"Next time you meet me dressed as a giant boy, it's going to cost you a pair of diamond earrings."

Posh Easter Egg

Jewellers - "If you really love your wife to be, then money should be no object."

'...And this one comes with a magnifying glass so she can show it off to her friends.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"