Jester Of The Household Pillows

Home for the Holidays Kit.

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"We're following Carrot Top."

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

Husband bakes a pie

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

"Gigot de sept heures."

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"But, honestly, I've never been more serious."

"All rise."

King Pin

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"My entire family's coming for the holidays."

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

"My family argues so much over living in the city or country that it makes me feel like pulled pork."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

"More helium."

'The recipe said to simmer uncovered!'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).