Domestic Life Jester Pillows

'My wife keeps threatening to divorce me...unfortunately, it's only a threat.'

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The prying mantis,

'He does.'

"This will be hilarious!"

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

"Yeah, I'm still scared of it too, but the worst part is that it seems to be GROWING...."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

"But I use all of them!"

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"Am I through to the next round?"

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'

'He's all eyes!'

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"My family argues so much over living in the city or country that it makes me feel like pulled pork."

"My entire family's coming for the holidays."