Jail Joke Fans Gifts

'The first time it was a fine. Second time, fine and probation. Third time...'

'Let's get a kitty.'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'No need to come in.. you can fax me your resume.'

"This is why I don't want you doing our taxes anymore."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'The SEC got me for inflating the numbers..'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

'It's for you.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'Hey. You're back.'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"Ironically, I've got no bars."

'We've been married so long we finish each other's prison sentences.'

"He told me it was for a hot tub."

"I cloned a guy in Reno. How 'bout yourself?"

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'So, how was your day?'

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

'They robbed the bank, I was just the pilot-fish...'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

Exercise yard: 'It's windy this morning!' (Arrows on uniform all blowing away).

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"Each time I was told to put myself in another man's shoes, I walk away in 'em."

Something came up again today, but for sure I'll be down in the A.M. to start digging that tunnel. Contractor Cellmate.