Jaded Realist Gifts

Tramp holding a sign saying: 'It's OK to fail.'

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"To be honest the culture sucks, but the pay is amazing."

"You asked to see me, boss?" "Yes, Rudy. We have a serious problem here." "I'm going to need you to stop humming the 'Star Wars' theme 24/7." "Disney is notoriously litigious. If they catch wind that you're publicly performing the theme, they may sue the cafe for royalties." "Daaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh daaaaaaa... daaaa... duh-duh-duh... wait, what?" "If you cost me my livelihood, I'll do to you what Han did to that Tauntaun."

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

No crawling sign in the desert.

Rural Cityscape

Born Cynical,,,,

I was found guilty, eight of the jury were my ex-wives.

"So ... taking that nap during my performance review was a very bad idea."

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Success Without Effort

Japanese disaster

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

Half full head of hair, half empty head of hair.

"He's growing up too fast. Instead of hearing a fairytale, he wants to know about rights in the workplace."

"When people talk about a 'staycation' this isn't what they mean!"

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

'I'm looking as young as 20 years ago? Honey, promise me not to see an eye specialist for the next 20 years!'

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

"And if things don't work out in the big city, Cindy, you can always come back home to me and Mom and our nightmare descent into booze and pills."

"I once looked for meaning from my work. Now all I want is a decent cup of coffee."