Irs Aspirant Gifts

'I want to work for the IRS and scare people.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"I used to want to be an astronaut, but now I think I'd rather be a billionaire space tourist."

"Ms. Ray, you're getting a promotion! You're no longer my Gal Friday. You're now my Gal Saturday."

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

'So, what do you want to be when you grow up: rebel scum or loyal servant of the supreme android republic?'

"So, do you see yourself as a car valet who writes screenplays or a screen writer who parks cars?"

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

"You may think the government is a big 'Giveaway' program, but you can't deduct your tax as a charitable contribution."

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Tax Collector

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

IRS agent to professor scrutinizing tax return under microscope: 'Still looking for that tax loophole, professor?'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"If that income is personal, why do I have to tell you about it"?

Please be seated. A jack booted government thug will be with you shortly.

'I know a lot of folks get us confused, but I'm actually taxes!'