Retirement Aspirant Gifts

'I can't wait to retire so I don't have to be nice anymore.'

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

Waiting for retirement.

'You keep outliving your old-age retirement savings!'

'Do you have one with the number 401k? under the law averages, it's bound to be winner.'

Best Places to Retire

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

'Gen-Xers in their retirement years.'

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

Greetings from VARICOSE VILLAGE, a Florida golfing community featuring a shopping mall, restaurants and hospitals.

"We've made $7.50. Can we retire yet?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

'I have the result of your cost-benefit analysis. You should have retired four years ago.'

Saving for Retirement.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

If I could sell my experience for half of what it cost me I could retire.

"Do you call this a business plan?"

'I'm retiring, to spend more time with my family of mutual find investments,'

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

'I can't see my nuts anymore.'

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Investments: Call us hopeless romantics for still believing money can make you happy!